How to Survive in a Committed Relationship!

I am just thinking about monogamy tonight, and is it actually a natural state of being…for any of us I mean? How does one survive a monogamous committed relationship with out fear, insecurity, doubt, jealousy, dissatisfaction and that is just to name a few?

I am going to go through the 13 rules of surviving in a committed relationship, bear in mind that this is all coming from my perspective!

   1. You fall in love. You experience deep sweet desires, irrepressible lust,  butterflies in your tummy (this could also be gas, caused by anxiety of waiting to see if they call or come to see you that day). I guess you need to be chilled, and cool, and not bossy and needy. Men love their space, their boy time. I was the boys girl growing up, so I am very well aware and versed of and in this sacred "GUY TIME". Believe me ladies, they really get up to very little, I have borne witness to this too many times to mention, and the occurrences at these events are too monotonous to expand on. Leave eachother have your identity, and your friends and your vices. Allow the love to grow and flourish.

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      2.    Vices – this deserves a whole number to itself! We all have them, the things that make us happy, that we see at the end of a dark dingy tunnel of a day, that we crave and will do anything to get to. Why the f**k would you deny your partner this oh so yearned for prize at the end of the day, week, or dinner. You know what I am talking about! That glass of wine, 3 pints of beer with the lads after work, that monthly game of golf with the people from work, or her night out with the girls, fag out the back of the house after dinner, watching porn while you are asleep,   I am not here to make lists, I am here to make a point. We are all entitled to be ourselves and anyone who tries to control that in us, or change or deprive our very precious vices in life, is someone that can only inevitably drive us away and vice versa.

     3.     I think you need to be very patient. I think you need to be super crazy patient in fact. I for one, do not know that I have patience as a virtue, or that I will ever come to possess it. Getting angry and being a bossy cow, or controlling S.O.B are quite counter productive, according to the plethora of psychologists and marriage councilors out there anyhow. Couples tend to have the same arguments over and over again, and with the same body language, verbal language, and still nothing changes. If you were a colonel at war you would view this as a failed and flawed tactic, and re group and attack the problem with a new approach. However for some reason when it comes to matters of love and relationships, we can’t seem to do that. We would rather keep beating our head off that same bloody brick wall, as opposed to trying to be nicer and more understanding, in turn that perhaps leading to a shift in the other persons behaviour, as they feel less under constant attack, and more validated and HEARD. God bloody forbid we do that eh? No he will listen and he will learn. Ha! Yeah right! How is that working out for you all?

      4.     Don’t slag off your partners friends or family. It is just going to get you no where, and this goes for men and women. I for one pride myself in my loyalty to the people I love, and NO ONE gets to bad mouth those special few in my life, nor do they get to tell me that I can not see them, or hang out with them. I don’t want to hear that they are a bad influence on me or that they look at my partner funny, or anything. Leave it alone. You will never ever win this argument, well not if you are with me, that is for sure!

      5.     To remain monogamous, laughter and fun is essential. It is the main course of the meal. It is the sustenance and the blood and the heart of the relationship. You must entertain one another and joke and laugh. You must also try to laugh things off, and see the bigger picture and not sweat the small stuff. Life is so short, and I promise the more miserable you make someone, the harder it is to get that laughter back. This is where your insecurity then comes into play, because you know you are doing this, you can’t help it. Yet you are terrified of that one night where they go out and someone else resparks that flame of fun in your partner. My friend, I hate to say it, but you did it to yourself! See this is a hard game this monogamy board game with only 2 players…..but with every game there are jokers and wild cards and ways to cheat and blindside!

  

6. Sex. DO NOT deprive your lover, your partner, husband or wife, of sex. It is our most basic need, like food or water, and if we don’t get it at home, then we are most certainly going to go out and hunt for it. That everyone IS our nature. That inbuilt primal basic urge and need. If you want to keep someone you must do this. You know your partner needs to eat, sleep, drink water, go to the toilet etc…sex is right up there with these basic needs. For some people it is in the top 3 needs. You are only going to deprive yourself in the end, because if you won’t do it, there is for sure someone else out there who will. Paid for or mutual.

  

7.    Lower expectations. This is very important, especially the longer you are with your person. You must not put your standards on them. I mean I do, but I am not the one looking for a forever person, so my list of rules are slightly different. As I said, this is for all you people who are in it for the long haul, til death do you part etc crowd! Ha! I am being facetious. I am also being honest.

      8.    Go out and do stuff together. Doesn’t have to be a date night (sorry I find that the most irritating, lame, excruciating title for night out ever! It is nauseating!) I mean play a game of cards, or naked Monopoly, have a bath together, play drinking games one random Tuesday night with a bottle of tequila! Be fun! Walk the dogs and dare each other to do stuff on the walk…anything….find that teenager inside of you that made you fancy the opposite sex and be that person.  

      9.    Be loyal and honest (this bit is hard I feel). If you are leaning towards an affair or an indiscretion, might be a good idea to chat to your “life partner” or whatever the hell you call yourselves. Cheating is unnecessary. If you need sex or affirmation and affection from someone else, then leave the person who is depriving you this. That is my advice. I always say here though that I am no therapist! 

      10.  Listen. This especially goes to the girls. We often speak for our men, put words in their mouths, pre empt what they are thinking or are going to say and we stand by that. It is so messed up. Let your partner have their say. I think the MOST damage is done in a relationship based on this single rule. I truly do. We need to listen and be empathic to this person we are supposed to love.                             

11. Say kind things every day. Even if that means putting a reminder in your phone, do it. Validate one another, make each other feel special, beautiful, tell them they are good in bed, make the best coffee, thanks for the tea this morning, you looked hot walking out the door and I was undressing you in my head, anything of that kind. You would be so surprised how many brownie points this little gesture, this one sentence, will get you with your lover!

     12. This rule is easy, BE SURE that you actually want this person. That they bring out the best in you, make you happy most of the time, and that they respect you.                                                          
  
      13. Do NOT get married! Hahahahaha! Just kidding! (Or am I? Bahahahahaha! x)